Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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