that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
