Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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