I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
