It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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