sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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