I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
And then the night went full on bisexual.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
