it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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