I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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