trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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