I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
