You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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