no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
