Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
