It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
