i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
