So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
