Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
