I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
