I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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