he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
