Already got asked if we're dating
god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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