all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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