He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
