I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Mom said you looked used
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"