I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
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Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
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You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.