you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he shaved USA in his pubs
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.