Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away