Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
