Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
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