Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
This is the high leading the old right now
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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