We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
