hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
