If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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