I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
