Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
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We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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