I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
