tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
