I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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