i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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