Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
