those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
