hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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