I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
