Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
