i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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