Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
