I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
