dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
