This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
