Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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