she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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