do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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