well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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