if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
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Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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