Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
