Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
