my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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