she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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