i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
