I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
