I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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