Jerry, you need to find god
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
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I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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