I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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