It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
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