How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
